Please Don't Leave Me
by Love an' Vain
Summary: Secrets of Clare's past comes out. Eli tries to help, but is Clare already past help? Contains L0TS of swearing...
1. Chapter 1

" Clare, you're forgetting something!" my father yelled.

" Yes father?" I murmured.

And then he punched me in the stomach. I waited there trying to hid all my pain from my father because I knew he would go for another shot. He then punched me again but this time with more force, making me crumble into a ball on the floor.

He made me feel sick when he laughed and walked out of my room. Nice father I got there right. Not. I reached for my cell phone that was only a arm lenght away. I whimpered as I stretched cause not only was my father abusive, I had another problem. I had an eating disorder. My rib cage would show if I wore tight stuff.

It felt as if my rib cage would crack any second now. As my hand reached the phone my fingers curled around it, and draged it back to me. I quickly dialed Eli's number. After the third ring he picked up.

" Hello?"

" Eli it's Clare," I tried hiding my pain, but failed.

" Clare what's wrong? Where are you? Do you need me to come get you?"

" I'm at my house, but I don't know where my dad is."

" What did he do to you?" Eli growled.

" I'll tell you after you pick me up, please hurry." I whispered.

" Hold in there Clare. I'll be right there."

I layed there, staring at the ceiling. My sight began blinking red and before I knew it I heard Eli climb up the tree by my room. I heard him jump onto the balcony and open the door. His loud footsteps made me think of the first night I felt like I wasn't perfect and my eating disorder began.

_**~Flashback~**_

_** " Your worthless. You've made this family fall to pieces. You made Darcy leave. You ruined your mother's and I relastionship. You just wanna make this whole family fall apart till the pieces are to small to fix don't you Clare!" He yelled as he pushed me down.**_

_** " I didn't do any of those things! Please dad stop!" I cried as he kicked me.**_

_** " You'll never be worth anything!" He yelled.**_

_** " I'm worth alot more than you think I am!," I sobbed.**_

_** He kicked one last time as hard as he could in the stomach. He than began walking away leaving me alone crying. When I got up I began to think I was worthless, and over hours of thinking I decided he was right, I never would be perfect or worth anything.**_

_** ~FlashBack Over~**_

" Blue eyes! Are you ok? What happened." Eli asked holding me.

" Please, please Eli. Get me out of here, I can't come back here. I can't stand it here anymore," I cried into his shoulder.

" Let's get out of here. I'll try finding you a place to stay." Eli whispered as he slowly began crawling out the window with me in his arms.


	2. Chapter 2

Clare's POV

" So can you tell me what happened. The whole story."

" I've told you Eli! I tripped over the leg of my desk and hit my stomach hard on the ground. Please just trust me."

" Clare, I do trust you. It just doesn't seem like you."

" Well I'm not the same Clare I was before ok! Can't you just understand that!" I yelled

" What's wrong Clare. I miss the old Clare. Whatever happened to her?" Eli whispered in my ear.

" I don't know Eli. I just changed over the months! Can't you just accept that!" I cried.

" I do! I just miss old happy cheerful Clare."

" Well if you haven't noticed yet Eli, that Clare is gone! Life doesn't just go around happieness. We all have breakdowns! We all have to go through something sad! We just can't pretend nothing ever happens! 'Cause it does! And we make mistakes, we mess up our lifes. We do all this good stuff then we get _**punished**_ and _**beat'n**_ for things we didn't even do!" I cried out at the top of my lungs.

" Who's beating you," Eli growled.

" Uh, um, what are you talking about Eli?" I stuttered.

Eli's POV

" Who's beating you," I growled.

Someone was hurting her? They weren't gonna get away with this. I don't care who it is. No one and I mean 'NO ONE' was gonna hurt my beautiful girlfriend. I looked at her poor innocent face. She didn't deserve to be beat'n. But something else was different with Clare to. She looked very pale and unhealthy. Her hair was all dry, and her skin closer to a grayish pale. Her eyes were dark then usual. But not a dark blue, closer to a black if you asked me.

" Uh, um, what are you talking about Eli," Clare had stuttered.

" You know what I'm talking about. You had said 'We do all this good stuff then we get _**punished **_and _**beat'n**_ for things we didn't even do'. Who's beating you Clare?"

" Um, I think I should be going now," She whispered.

" Is that what you meant on the phone! Your dad's beating you isn't he!"

" And so what if he was? There's nothing we can do about it." Clare cried.

" Let me see you stomach where he kicked you," I said.

Clare's reaction was like 'He's nuts right. Please tell me your joking' sorta thing. When she didn't show me I tried pulling her shirt up but she pushed my arm away.

" Why won't you show me Blue eyes?"

" 'Cause you don't need to see. There's probably not even marks anyways." Clare lied.

" Show me now Clare, or I'm gonna call the police on your father for child abuse," I growled.

"Ok you win Eli," Clare gulped.

She began lifting her shirt only to show many bruises on her stomach. But that's not the only thing you could see her rib cage was sticking out. Either Clare had surgery done which I doubt she would do or she had an eating disorder which I also doubted. She looked scared as I stared with frightment of Clare's bones sticking out.

" I really need to get going Eli," Clare whisper.

" What the hell happened!"

" You don't need to know!"

" I sorta do Clare. You my girlfriend I need to protect you!"


	3. Chapter 3

Eli's POV

" So you really think she's got an eating disorder?" Adam asked.

" Adam, she's as skinny as a twig. I just wish she wasn't like this." I said.

" It's probably just a phase, she'll get over it in no time!"

" And what if she doesn't Adam. She could die, before she got better. She needs to get help."

"That will only make matters worst don't ya think?"

I did think Adam was right. I mean what if I did try to send her away for help. She be able to conquer this eating disorder. But what aboyt when she got home? Ger father would still be there. And she probably turn back to the eating disorder. Or worst, Clare could try and kill herself. Since the whole thing with her parent, and now i beat with the beatings that she didn't believe in God or heaven.

" I think treatment might help her. It's after the treatment I'm worried about. When she called me I didn't know what was wrong. She had said 'I'm at my house but, I don't know where my dad is.' And after when I saw all her scars and marks, I knew something was going on. I have to help her Adam, I just can't let her get hurt."

"Then where can we get her to stay?"

" I don't know, let's just think about it before we get into something big."

* * *

Clare's POV

I had been sitting in my shower now for over an hour trying to clear my mind of what happened from this morning's beating and talking with Eli. Eli couldn't know about this. If he knew about my eating disorder then my life would be over. I was doing this for a reason! I had to do this. If I never get as skinny as Darcy was then I'll never be able to pick up the pieces of my empty family and fix it.

I had messed up this whole family it was all my fault, no matter what people knew and thought. I would always be the person to blame. No matter how hard I tried. I was worried that my father would just keep blaming me until I was skinny enough to be family or till I died. I knew it wasn't healthy to not eat, but I felt as if I was worthless. I felt as if I never be loved if I was this fat, this ugly. This way.

The water than became to cold, as if an ice shower was attacking my back. I shut off the water and wrapped myself up in my emerald green towel. I slowly opened my bathroom door into my bedroom. As I began to get dressed I heard a loud knowck at my door. Who was it and what did they want?

"One moment," I called.

I could here them impatiently tapping their toes as they waited. I slowly pulled on my mini green shorts and my blue tank top. I open the door just a creek and there he was. Staring at me unbelief.

"What do you want Eli?"

" I wanted to come see my beautiful girlfriend. Is that not aloud now adays?"

" This isn't a good time I have to do my chores before my dad gets home."

" Your not gonna live here anymore."

"What are you talking about Eli? This is my home, I have no other family."

"Your gonna come live with me. I know what your dad is doing to you. I'm not gonna let him hurt you anymore."

"What are you talking about Eli? My dad has never hurt me."

As much as I wanted to live with Eli, I know then he'd find out about my eating disorder. That couldn't happen he would wanna make me eat again. He would want me to feel bad by getting fat again, and not being able to fix this family.

" Clare I say the marks this morning! Your coming with me, your gonna live with me!" Eli yelled.

He walked into my room and grabbed my suitcase from my closet and began running around live a crazy person. I just stood my the door with my arms crossed. I was not gonna leave and that was final. I don't care anymore what he did. I was not leaving home until I fixed my mistakes.

" Ok let's go. I got your clothes, your cell phone, and you laptop. Ready to go," Eli asked.

I walked over to my bed ignoring his dirty look, and layed down. I closed my eyes and covered up with my blanket. The lamp by my bed was still on so I turned it off.

"I'm not going Eli. Not till I fix the mistakes I made here."

"What do you mean your not coming? Clare you've been hurt here! I need to protect you from him."

"I'm perfectly cable of protecting myself."

Eli walked over and held me. Letting me hang onto his shoulders like a scared little child. I tried holding in my tears, but failed. As i tightened my hold Eli did the same. I couldn't believe that Eli would love me once I slipped through the cracks of my own world. I just hope that one day soon God will realize what I've gone through and let me be happy will Eli.


	4. A new beginning

~Clare's POV~

"Eli, I think you should go. My dad should be home soon."

"Clare I'm not leaving. Why don't you want me to stay?"

"It's just, it's getting late. Can you please go?"

"Clare..."

"No Eli! Just go... I can handle myself. It's you, that you've gotta worry about."

"Clare I'm just worried about you. I don't want you to get hurt anymore."

"Just go Eli. I'll see you Monday at school."

And with that the love of my life left my house. He didn't turn back to look at me, and I really didn't care. Maybe, just maybe if I chased him out of my life, then I wouldn't have so many mistakes to fix. Maybe he would forget about me, only one could hope.

Twenty minutes after Eli had left my father came home. He smelt like smoke, and had a 30 pack of beer in his hand. His once nice gentle brown eyes turned cold and black like ice. His once happy cheerful smile had turn into an evil devilish smile. It scared me how he change so fast.

* * *

He had left me crying on the cold stone bathroom floor. It made me feel like nothing when he whipped me with the belt or kicked me in the ribs. My back had felt raw. And scar tissue felt as if it started to slowly form once again. Maybe I should of said yes to living with Eli. I quickly grabbed my cell phone dialing Eli's number once again for the 2nd time today.

"Hello?"

"Eli, it's Clare. I'm sorry for calling so late. I'm sorry for being a witch earlier. I'm sorry for trying to push you-"

"It's ok Clare. By the way, the offer is still up if you wanna live here. My parents said it be totally fine for you to move in when ever."

" What about tonight? Would they be ok with that?" I asked.

" Did he hurt you again?"

"Not really. Just sick of it here. Please Eli..."

" Grab you bag and pack whatever you need. Meet me outside your window in ten minutes."

" Thank-you Eli."

I tried to push myself up but I just couldn't. I remember the first time he did this to me. I hadn't been able to move for two days. What would happen if my father say Eli car? Would he try and hurt him? What have I done?

* * *

~Eli's POV~

Clare was in danger. I knew it, I could feel it. I just hope that she's ok. I mean first of all, all the marking on her stomach had to come from somewhere and I don't think it was from her tripping on her desk's leg and landing on her stomach. Something must of happened. What if someone was hurting her? I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I knew she was in danger and never helped her. This reminds me so much about Julia. What if Clare got killed to? What if Clare became suicidal? I need to find a way to help her no matter what I just can't leave her in her time of need.

I pulled up to Clare's house, nothing looked wrong from the outside. But inside something must of been going on. I looked through the living room window to see silhouettes of four men playing poker. I could hardly make out a box that a man was grabbing for. He pulled out a bottle of some kind of achole. I guess this was my chance to see if Clare was still packing.

I slowly moved away from the window without making a noise. I walked over to the tree by Clare's window. Once I began to climb it, I could hear a faint cry from inside. What happened? Was that Clare? I hope she's ok. Once inside her bedroom, I became very silent to see if I could hear the faint cry still.

"What have I done? Eli hates me. Adam hates me. My father hates me. My mother hates me. Darcy hates me. Everyone hates me," Clare cried.

I walked over to the bathroom door putting my ear on it. I could hear Clare chanting the words over to herself. I slowly opened the door, only to see Clare laying on her stomach. She had no shirt on and had markings on her back. Marking and burns. She seemed to be scared as tears rolled down her face as she looked at me.

"Clare, what the hell happened?"

" I rather not answer that right now," She murmured.

" Come on Clare, let's get you out of here."

" Eli go. I can't move myself and I don't want you to get hurt!"

" I won't now come on let's go."

" Eli I can't move myself. It hurts to much."

" I'll carry you then. I'm gonna go quietly pack your stuff. You stay quiet while I bring it to the car then I'll come back before you dad notices or hears anything. Then I'll bring you to the car and we'll be out of here."

" Just promise me if you hear him that you'll leave," Clare cried.

" I'm not making any promises.

"Eli please."

"Fine I promise."

"Good, thank-you."

I quickly walked back into Clare's room and grabbed all her clothes, her laptop, books, school supplies, cell phone, and had her pack her femine products. I quietly climbed down the tree by her window and threw her bag in the car. Once I had finished my first part of I guess you could call it saving Clare mission. I climbed back up the tree and slowly open Clare's bathroom door again.

" Ready to go?" I asked.

" Yeah, let's just get out of here for good." Clare smiled.

I had grabbed an old hoodie I found in Clare's closet and slowly pulled it over her head. She whimpered as it touched her. I felt so bad. She was in pain and all I could do was be here. I wouldn't be able to take the pain away. Or the scars that would later be all over her body.

"I'm so sorry," She said.

" For what?"

"I dragged you into this. I just hope he doesn't hear us."

" Just be quiet and it'll be over before you know it."

I slowly, gently picked her up carrying her bridal style. She grabbed on to me like a scared little child. But in ways she was. As I carried her to the window I could feel that she was all bone. Her eating disorder was getting out of hand. She thought she was hiding it but Adam and I knew. And we knew that she never gave up on things she wanted.

I climbed down the tree, one arm holding her, the other making sure we didn't fall. I grabbed on to a branch and took a small break. I could see Clare crying silently to herself again. I just wish I could make her feel better.

" You do know Adam and I love you right? Your my girlfriend. And to Adam your his little sister. I bet your sister loves you to. No one hates you."

" Your only saying that. I know you love me, and Adam loves me. but everyone else acts as if I was a no one. When my sister had been raped she had blamed it on me. (AN: Let's just say Darcy did ok? ok!) I didn't up to where she was and payed the man to hurt my sister. But you know what she blamed me and said I was the worst sister ever!"

" And how does tis relate to what I said?"

" I was r-r-r. Nevermind you wouldn't understa-"

" I would understand. Please Clare tell me what happened."

" I was uh r-raped by m- my father."

"He raped you!"

" That's not the worst part. I got p-pre-pregnant with him."

"Please tell me you got an abortion."

" Of course! Eli when he did that to me, it was almost seven months ago! He raped me and then my mother left when she found out I was pregnant. He made me get an abortion. He made me kill something that was inside me. That could have lived and become something great."

" Yeah it could of lived but what if you died? Why did you want to have it in the first place?"

" Ok fine wanna know the real reason I wanted it to live! Why I wanted to have it! Because I could of had them put my dad in jail for raping me! I'm only 16 Eli! He's 43! He could of been in jail. And I had proof that he beat me. Then I wouldn't have to bother with him!" Clare sobbed.

"Hey, shh. It's ok Clare. We can still talk to the police. Don't worry, I'll make sure he never hurts your again. Now come on let's get you home." I said as I grabbed on to her again.

I slowly climbed down the rest of the tree and set her on the seat. She had fallen asleep as I had finish part two of my mission. It was all to hard to take in. Clare had been raped by her own father. She had wanted to have the child. I couldn't believe what one night could bring to us. I felt so bad for Clare and hoped that it would get better as she got older and hopefully she would just forget it one day.

Once we pulled up to my house, I carried Clare into the guest room. Her room was right across the hall from mine. Once I brought her in I brought her bags in and then went to go talk to my parents. I told them everything that happened today. I told them everything Clare told me. By the time I told the whole story I was bawling my eyes out. So were my parents.

" I can't believe she's gone through so much," Cece sobbed.

" I don't know what to do mom. I want to help her so much, but I don't know how."

" You'll think of something. You always do," Bullfrog said.

" Well your father and I are heading to bed. Sweet dreams sweetie," Cece said giving me a hug and kissing me on the forehead.

" Night son," Bullfrog said.

" Night mom, night dad."

They walked off to their bedroom, I did the same. I checked one last time on Clare. She seemed to be at peace and harmony here. I hoped she was happy. I walked into my bedroom and got my own pajamas on. I finally fell into a deep sleep.

* * *

~Clare's POV~

_" Hello? Hello, anyone here?" I screamed._

_Lights were white and bright all around me. I was wearing a beautiful white wedding dress, with white shoes, and white gloves. My groom was standing there in all black with a smirk. A black tux, black rose on his top, black shoes, and a shining black ring on his thumb. All of a sudden the a black hole came and sucked him up. Leaving me there all alone._

_My beautiful white outfit became black and the black hole came for me to. Once it got me I couldn't stop screaming. My father was waiting for me at the end of the hole. My groom was laughing at me from above with all of our friends. I couldn't control the sobs that erupted from my broken heart. Everyone around me watched as my watched as my father beat me up. _

_They then watched as my father raped me. Months passed by and Eli found out I was pregnant and left me. My mother had called me a whore and left to. My friends looked at me as if I was a three-headed-monster. Even Alli and Adam left me behind. I was all alone. The only one there for me was my enemy. My father._

_He looked over at me and called me rude hurtful names. Apperently I was always a whore. And everyone hated me. The only choice I had to be able to handle this was a sin. I had already commited a sin. Sex before marriage. Did that count after all I had been raped. My only choice was to kill myself._

" Shh, it's ok Clare. Wake up, it's ok."

" Eli? Oh Eli! I'm glad you didn't leave me. Please tell me I'm not dreaming!"

" Clare what's wrong. Your not dreaming. You were screaming in your sleep. I'm worried about you. What happened in your dream?"

I told him everything from the begining to the end. The parts where he yelled at me and where my mother and father at me. The rumors people were spreading of me being a whore. All to the part where I killed myself.

" Clare I would never leave you. And if you ever feel that sad that you feel like you have to kill yourself for everyone else to be happy you talk to me ok?"

" Of course," I cried hugging him.

Maybe life would go back to spending all my time with Eli and Adam. Maybe everything would go back to normal. At least as normal as it can get when your attending Degrassi.

**Author's Note: Ok so really long chapter here! It took me so long 'cause well I had to get about four teeth pulled two for two weeks. Just got my top braces and then in Febuary and in March I still need to get another 4 teeth pulled. And then bottem braces. And now with my family their talking about making me get mouth sugery. Have both my jaws broken. My top jaw broken to be pulled back. My bottem jaw broken to be pulled up and pushed forward. So ya 'cause my stupid dentist ust had to show them te xray of my mouth! Fun... NOT! Well anyways hoped you guys enjoyed, please review!**


	5. It's my life, not yours

~Clare's POV~

_**Life is so short. I've learned that over the years of being blamed for many reasons. My parents probably wished I had died. My sister hated my guts. And now all I have is my boyfriend Eli, my best friend Adam, and my boyfriend's parents Cece and Bullfrog. I don't remember why I decided to write this. I guess it's just easy to say goodbye this way. Not having to tell them how I felt to their faces. I'm doing this to make my parents happy, my sister happy. And most importantly myself happy. I've never seen a bright light in my life and by doing this maybe I'll be aloud to go to heaven. Maybe if I just let go of the little piece of thread holding me together I'll make everyone happy. I just want to say this to the many people that I care about and who cared about me. To Eli: Your the most brilliant person I've ever meet. Your my hero and I'll be waiting for you. I'll never leave your side, but I want you to move on. Don't dread on this. It wasn't your fault. It was my own decision. I know you told me to talk to you if I ever had thoughts like this, but I just couldn't. I love you and I'll love you forever and always! To Adam: You've been one of the most kindest person I've ever meet and known. I love you just like your my own older brother. Scratch that you are my brother and I just wish for you to be able to find a perfect girl. I hope for you to be happy. Live your life and don't dread over this. I'm not even that important ha ha! I love you Adam! And last but not least To Cece and Bullfrog: Thank-you so much for the support you to gave me. You treated me more like your own child. I think of you as my parents. I'm sorry that I've probably put Eli through so much pain. But don't blame it on him. Don't ever think I meant to hurt Eli. It might seem like that but I love Eli with all my heart and more. And yet I still don't want to be on this Earth. I'll be waiting for your son in heaven. I'll never leave his side and I'll be his personal angel. I would never wish anything bad to happen to you son, I just need to go.**_

_**Sincerely Clare Edwards**_

Tears dropped from my eyes onto the letter. I wish I could of just had a happy wonderful life, but that only happened in fairy tales. After dinner and everyone left and went to bed my life would be ending. When they woke in the morning and Eli came to check on me there would be an untouched bed. A letter on a pillow. And a missing/dead Clare.

"Hey Clare," Eli said barging right into my room, seeing the note in my hand. I hid it as fast as I could but it was to late. He snatched the letter from me and read it. Tears fell from his eyes as he reread. When he looked up he glared at me. His green emerald eyes looks as if they turned pitch black. Even in the Goldsworthy house I wasn't safe.

" Your gonna kill yourself? I can't believe you! After all we've done for you and you want to kill yourself!"

" Eli your just don't-"

" I just don't understand? Clare I understand. I was suicidal as well once! But I lived for the people who cared about me! I didn't turn to cutting myself, or burning myself, and I sure as hell didn't kill myself! I knew what I meant to my parents and to my friends! I was loved on so many levels that it took forever for me to notice that it was a bad idea for me to hurt myself. 'Cause by me hurting myself I was also hurting everyone around me!"

" Well at least your parents loved you! Mine never have! Darcy was the perfect child. She was golden, and I was just dust. Everything gets blamed on me. I'm not safe from anyone. 'Cause I still blame myself. Everyone does! I'll never be safe. Someone is either gonna blame me or is gonna be mad at me! So what's the point of living? What's the point of breathing? What's the stupid fucking point of love?" I screamed at the top of my lungs.

" I give up on you Clare. You wanna go ahead. But just remember your hurting so many people with your stupid idea. Just 'cause you wanna die doesn't mean you kill yourself. You get help and go to a therapist. Or talk to someone about how you feel. But you know what! Your Clare, you listen to your self. You don't give a damn about what other people think or feel."

" I'm done. I'm leaving. Just pretend I never happened." I said as I slipped on my jacket and sneaked a pill bottle into my pocket.

" Where the hell do you think your going?" Eli yelled.

" Heaven," I replied.

" Clare just talk to me! You don't have to do this! Please don't leave me. You've conquered your eating disorder. And you could get help and not feel this way! You don't wanna die! You just think you do. Please Clare please don't leave me." Eli begged.

" To late for favors now. I'm sorry Eli. I love you. Good-bye." I cried while walking out of the Goldsworthy house.

* * *

**Life** may **not always** be **happy**. **Life brings** so much **sadness and war**. So many **people dying**. Some many **people losing** their **life's**. Others **wasting** **life's**. No **ways to save** their **life's**. I guess I'm one of them. One who just takes life for granite. But who cares? To late to take back what I'm about to do now. I just wish I could have talked with someone. But they would have thought I was crazy, and truely I'm not.

I'm at the park now, laying down on a bench waiting for night to come along. Tears had been rolling down my face as I think about what I'm about to do. I know it's wrong but it just feels so right. It feels as if it's meant to be.

* * *

~Eli POV~

I couldn't believe! After all I frick'n told her and she still left wanting to die. What the hell? But then again I was probably pushing her into killing herself. What have I done? I loved her so much and I made it seem like I didn't even care about her. I called Adam maybe he could help me find her.

"Hello?"

" Dude you have to help me look for Clare. She might try and commit suicide. I don't know where she went, but if I don't find her now she might succeed at suicide. Get your jacket on and meet me outside."

" I'll be waiting outside man. Hurry up."

As I pulled up to Adam's house there he was waiting at the end of the driveway. As soon as he had closed his door I stepped on the gas. We had to find Clare, and we had to find her quick. We had check the Dot, her father's house, Alli's house, Degrassi, even her mother's new house. But we just couldn't find her. What if someone saw her walking the streets alone. Their were creepers who would kidnap girls, rape them, and then threatned if they told anyone they'd find them and kill them. What if that happened to Clare?

" Dude where is she? I'm starting to freak out Adam! What if we don't find her?"

" Dude chill we'll find her. Let's check the park."

We drove over to the park and began to search. I was beginning to give up all hope when finally I found her laying on a bench. An empty pill bottle in her hand and a unconscious Clare. She was barely breathing. She must of just taken it. I yelled to Adam, who ran over and help bring her to the car. Once we both were in the car I stepped on the gas. Adam was doing his best to keep her warm, and trying to make sure she kept breathing.

_"Come on Clare. Don't do this to me. Breathe! Breathe. Please Care don't do this. Don't die on me. I made a mistake telling you all that stuff when I should have been comforting you. I shouldn't have pushed you to the edge. I'm sorry dear."_ I thought to myself.

We were halfway to the hospital when Clare began having an allergic reaction. "This isn't good," we both had said. I stepped even harder on the gas getting there in only 2 minutes. Which should have taken 5 but when you run all the red lights, you'd understand.

When we got in the Clare's chest was freaking out.(1) It had been bouncing like a bouncy ball. Up, down, left, right. It was scary to see her this way. It worried me. Could this kill her? What if she died because of those pills.

" We need help over here! Please help us! She just started freaking over due to taking to over dosage." I screamed.

About four nurses and two doctors came straight over to us, with a stretcher. They took her right out of my hands, yelling commands and taking her down the hall. Leaving me and Adam to wait for the news. Hopefully the good news.

The clock kept going, one circle at a time. Seconds feeling like minutes. Minutes feeling like hours. Hours feeling like days. Finally a doctor came out. I held my breathe waiting for the worst.

" Hello there. I have news about your friend, Ms. Edwards."

" Good news?" Adam asked.

" I wouldn't say that. She's been here a few times due to suicidal attemps. The medicine she used is very deadly to her immune system. If you hadn't have brought her in while she was still but barly breathing, she would have died. Now I'm not saying for sure that your friend is gonna make it, but she's still fighting. Were doing all we can."

"Th-Thank-you Doctor. When can we see her?" I asked.

" You can see her right now. Room B207 floor two."

" Thank-you sir," Adam said.

As Adam and I got closer to her room I kept thinking about Julia. Why though? Why was I thinking of my dead ex-girlfriend, while the one in that room needed my help. I took a deep breathe before we walked in. There Clare was barely moving, barely breathing. We both grabbed a chair and sat on oppise sides of Clare. She was extremely pain, and still looked very sick. She seemed hot from sweat near her hair line. But was freeing cold when you touched her skin. Finally Clare opened her beautiful blue orb's.

" Is this heaven," she asked.

" Clare you at the hospital. You almost killed yourself. We got you right before it was to late." Adam said gently.

" Well I wasn't close enough if I'm still alive." Clare muttered.

" Stop it Clare please. Just tell me why you want to die. Please I have to right to know why you tried to kill yourself before and why now." I cried.

" I was fourteen when I first tried to commit suicide. My parents ignore me. For fourteen years I tried making it through myself. My grandparents asked if I wanted to live with them but I declined. Three weeks later they died in a house fire. That's when my parents noticed me. They talked to me last so they blamed me for their death. I cut my wrist deep with a razor. But lived. Then when I was fifteen a few months after Darcy had left for Kenya, my parents said I was so horrible and a mess that I even made perfect child want to leave. And they felt bad because they couldn't leave me all alone because they could get arrested. And there was no other people in my family who wanted me. Now I'm sixteen I've tried killing myself with over dosage of pills two times now. One because my mother said I should have never been born. And this time because well because of what my father did to me. I guess I just didn't know what to do with myself."

" Wow, that's um a long past. A long a hard one by the sounds of it," Adam whispered in shock.

" Yeahh, I guess I just never found the good things about my life and always toked in the bad stuff."

" Did anything good ever happen in your life?" I asked.

Clare looked down and pulled her knees up to her chest beginning to sit up. She looked as if she was about to cry a whole ocean. Her eyes sparkled with tears filling them. I don't know why but I though Clare's eyes were really pretty when she cried. The tears would just make her eyes sparkle. I guess I'm a freak for thinking that.

" Not really. The best thing that happened in my life was meeting you guys."

**Author's note: Ok not as long, and not as good as the last one. Now I know I sorta just cut it off, but where I ended it is where it's gonna began. 1) Ok this has happened to me a few times. It's just when you heart beats really fast and well takes control of everything, and it's working over time so thats why I think your chest just acts like a bouncy ball going up and down. But it's faster than that. So yeah! Hoped you enjoyed, review if ya want, tell me what ya think. I'll get the next one out as soon as possible! Thanks for wasting your time to read this! haha bye :P**


	6. This is Goodbye

~Eli's POV~

" Not really. The best thing that happened in my life was meeting you guys."

Did Clare really just say that? Something wonderful had to happen. Not just meeting Adam and me. Was her life really that bad? I mean I know everything now that has happened in her past, but how could so much tragic happen in one simple life? I guess Clare did have it harder than us all. Harder than Adam's transgender secret. Harder than my hoarder secret. Maybe even harder than me losing Julia.

" Visting hours are over." A nurse said knocking me out of my thoughts.

Clare had fallen asleep, her hair sprawled over the bed. Her one hand gripped onto mine like her life depended on it. I looked up to the nurse. Would she really make me leave my girlfriend, who might I add just try to commit suicide? I looked up to her eyes, trying to look innocent.

" Do we have to leave? Can't we stay with her?" Adam had spoken up. It had been awhile since I heard him talk.

" I guess I can let it slide, but if anyone asks who let you stay, just say it was nurse Camilla. They let it slide," She said with a wink.

" Thank-you nurse Camilla." I replied as she walked out the door.

" Do you think she'll get better? Or do you think she'll only get worse when she goes home," Adam asked.

" I'm not gonna bring her home. Maybe it's best if we just send her away."

" Eli! Clare needs us, and you just wanna send her away!"

" I don't wanna send her away! I'm just saying maybe it's best to. Maybe it's best for her health."

" And you were the one who wanted to help her in the first place! But look how much you helped! You didn't help her at all, you pushed her to suicide! And now you just wanna give up on helping her! I can't believe you!"

" Adam, shut the fuck up. I love Clare, so much that no one will ever know, or understand. And your yelling at me for trying to help-"

" Your not helping her! If she has to be sent away from us, her only family! Imagine how mad she'll be at us! Us Eli! But mostly you, because your the one who wants to send her away!"

" Like I said maybe it's the best for her health!"

" Fine. Go on and give up. But she's not being sent away, I'll take her in. My family and I will autually try to help her get better."

" Adam it'll only make thing worse for her! If we sent her away she could get better. We just can't help her at home. She needs to go to a mental hospitle."

" No what she needs is to be in the confort of her own home. She can be but on suicidal watch. We don't need to send her away where she'll feel like there is something wrong with her. Because there is nothing wrong her. She just needs help from friends and family."

" I just want the best for her Adam. She's all I have left. And you of course. But I love Clare. She's my everything, my world, my reason to breathe."

" And that's why your just gonna send me away? I guess I'm not your everything, or world, or even your stupid fucking reason to breathe," Clare said.

" Your heard the whole convorsation?" I asked.

" Yup! Fuck you Elijah Goldsworthy. Just go to hell and leave me the fuck alone!"

" But Clare I lo-"

" Stop right there! You don't love me. Your just saying that. Your the one after all who thinks I'm mental. There's nothing wrong with me mentally or physically. If there is a problem it's you!" Clare sobed.

" Clare, I just think that I can't help you enough. I want to. Truely do. But I can't give you the help that you need. If I could help you by just being here than believe me. I'd be by your side 24/7. I love you."

" Fuck you! Get out! I wan-, I want to b-b-break up!" Clare cried.

" Clare! You don't know what your saying!"

" Yes I do! Me and you equals no more! Over! O-V-E-R!"

Tears fell down my face. The love of my life, was pushing me away. Her blue eyes filled with blackness. Her friendly smile turned into a never leaving frown. Her cute little laugh to never be heard again. Clare Marie Edwards was gone. And so was my happieness.


	7. I Guess This Is It

Clare's POV

My eyes were closed as Eli's steps were further away. You could only hear a faint clack on the ground now. He was gone, hopefully for good. I shouldn't have been so rough him though. I've know everything he's gone through. And look at me, I should be ashamed. I took his already duck taped heart, ripped the tape off, and smashed it again. Smashed a thousand pieces to be millions and millions of pieces. And I didn't even care. All I cared about was lying here. Till my heart beated it's last beat, till my lungs took their last breathe, till my eyes took their last blink, till mind took it's last thought, till I took my last peaceful sleep. But did that really matter? Did it matter how many more days I had left to live? Like I've said before, life is useless. Life is worthless. People will waste life's, and other will treat them like their gold. But think of it, their's an after life. Or so I think. Look at Romeo and Juliet, they believe they would be together in the after life. I bet as we speak their enjoying a nice romantic dinner right now.

I had loved Eli. And I bet after I die, years and years after he'll forgive me. Many years. But one day he'll understand. And when he does he'll understand that we are meant together. And things that don't work on Earth are surely to work in Heaven. Or at least I hope. Everything I ever wanted here on Earth will be there. I'll have that perfect skinny, model like body. I'll have the prettiest light brown hair I wanted when I was a little kid. I'll be the perfect child.

I wondered if my father even noticed that I was gone? Probably not. He probably is having sex with some whore right now. Probably getting all of them pregnant. Not that I care, because one day he'll get arrested and I'll haunt him while he's in jail. To feel as bad as I felt when he abussed me. To make him rot and die in a tiny, dirty, haunted cell.

My mother right now was probably also having sex with random stangers off the streets. Better yet she was probably a pregnant whore. Or just a pregnant lady selling her body online. Who cares though? I didn't. She had it coming to. She would get hurt one day, and I wouldn't care. She'll die one day soon, or she'll just end up pregnant every nine months. But during one of her births something will just 'magicely' go wrong and she'll die painfully.

" Clare... Are you ok?"

I forgot I wasn't the only in the room. Adam was still there from after my outbreak. But what do you expect from someone who was holding in all their emotion that they have ever felt? I'm guessing nothing better than what I did to Eli. But I know I was a little harsh. But who wouldn't be, if the love of your life thought you were mental? Who thought you needed mental help?

" I'm fine Adam. Can you do me a favor though?"

" What's that?"

" Tell Eli, I'm sorry and I shouldn't have been so harsh. But I still don't wanna see him."

" Yeahh, um I'll go carry on the message."

" Bye Adam. Thank-you."

" Your welcome. Bye Clare."

* * *

2 months later

Eli's POV

_" Hello?"_

_" Is this Eli Goldsworthy?"_

_" Yes this is. Is something wrong?"_

_" We're sorry to inform you. Clare Edwards has passed."_

_" Please tell me your joking."_

_" This is no joke sir. We're very sorry for your loss."_

She was gone. Just like that. Death had taken my angel, just like that. And sadly there was no way to bring her back. Had Clare just die as in her heart just stopped? Or had she ended herself? How bad was her health? Did she get better after? Or only worst?

I was bad. Bad luck. Julia and Clare. Both deaths because of me. Me! And god just wanted me to live?

This is hell! I want Clare back! I want Julia alive! I want to go back in time and save both of them! I want them here alive with me. But Julia was long gone, and Clare was just gone. Both died because of one horrible mistake. Me. And I didn't know if I could live with this weight on my shoulders.

**AN: Ok so two chapters 1 day! How great am I! So yeah. Very strange. So the next chapter is gonna be in Clare's POV and explain her death. And then from this order Clare's Father, Clare's Mother, Cece and Bullfrog, Jenna and KC, Alli and Drew, Adam, and then Eli will explain how Clare's death has impacted their life's. Idk when the next chapter will be out but hopefully soon! Please review!**


	8. Farewell?

2 months later...

Clare's POV

Coming home, it was amazing. My father had let me back in after he learned about my suicide attemt. Apperently my mother and father got back together. But it looked to good to be true. We're they just doing this for me? Who cares? At least we can try to be a nice big family again. Still Darcy was no where in sight. Maybe she still didn't wanna be appart of this family that was only holding on by the thinnest piece of thread.

"So Clare, how are you doing?" My mother asked.

" Uh, fine. I guess."

" That's good. So what do you want to do," My father asked.

" Um, I don't know. I sorta just wanna stay home and relax."

" And why's that?" My mother asked.

" Hm, mom I wonder why. Maybe 'cause I was just in the hospitle for trying to commit suicide! Or do you not remember that? 'Cause I know for sure that neither of you were there! And you are both gonna go to hell!" I screamed.

I had lost my patience with them. They thought I was completely better after being in the hospitle for 2 damn months? Well better yet my mind still needs to heal mentaly. I need to be near people who understand what I've been through. Like Adam, and Cece, and Bullfrog, and maybe even Eli. Though he thought I was mental I still loved him. He just needed to understand what I've been through.

" You know what? I do wanna do something. I'm going for a walk by myself. Bye." I said as I grabbed my fleece and walked out.

It was chilly for a spring day. I still wasn't dressing like myself, and probably looked like a slut. I was wearing minishorts which took me forever to put on! And a slutty blood red tank-top that show lots of my cleverge. But did I care? No way. I mean anyone could do anything to me. It wouldn't hurt as much as pushing away my loved one.

I had decided to take the back street. Once out of sight from any cars I climbed up on to the bridge keeping my balance and began walking across it. I closed my eyes and put my arms wide out pretending to fly through the sky like a bird.

" Is that little Saint Clare?"

" Who is there." I said jumping of the bridge and beganing to retreat.

" Hey babe," Someone whispered.

" Get the hell away!" I screamed.

I quickly climbed back onto the bridge. Looking at all four of them. Fitz, Owen, KC, and Reese. They wanted to hurt me. I know they did.

" Come one step closer and I'll jump." I yelled.

" Grab her!" Fitz yelled.

KC and Owen both ran up, but were already to late. I put my arms out and fell backwards. The wind took over my body making me sway back and forth. Falling faster per second. It made me feel like I was falling over thousands and thousands of feet in the air. And then my back hit something hard and pointy. It felt as it my lung had collasped. Everything began fading. The light sky turned completly black. I had been holding my breathe. Soon enough I couldn't help but grasp for air. But nothing came in. I must have puntured both my lungs. My sides burned, and I couldn't move anything. I must have landed in the water. Was this is? Was this the end of me? Was dying? Or was dreaming? Would live? Who anyone find me? Please God, don't let me die. Please don't make leave. I'm young and crazy times. I have strange thoughts, and almost succeed at suicide. But did that mean, after I began to see the bright side of living, that I would have to die? If I am dying than I just wanna say: Goodbye dear beautiful world.  
Goodbye loved ones.  
Goodbye Adam  
Goodbye Alli  
Goodbye mom  
Goodbye dad  
Goodbye Cece  
Goodbye Bullfrog

Goodbye sweet sweet Eli...

**AN: Ok so how was that? Believable? I sorta thought so! Oh well up to you. Please review and well tell me what you think I should do next, or if I should just do what I was thinking to do in the last chapter!**


	9. Randel's Turn

Randel's POV

My worthless, stupid, sluttly, idiotic, brainless, whore of a daughter Clare had tryed to committ suicide. You would expect me to be sad right? Well truth be told I was some what upset. Because I was hoping she would come home soon, and well let me sell her body to men. I had a line of men willing to pay for my daughter's body. I mean who wouldn't? I even thought her body was sexy when we had our fun. She gave me pleasure, and also let me take my anger out on her.

To make Clare stay at home with me, I invited her mother to come live with us for a week. We thought she would heal mentally and physically with both of us with her. You would think so to wouldn't you? Well nope we're both wrong. She broke down and started screaming at both of us. If her mother hadn't been right there I would have slapped her as hard as I could.

A few minutes later after Clare's outrage, Gary called. Gary was the first guy to buy my daughter's body. I gave him some pictures as he asked and we became very good friends. All our conversations laying in the two columns Clare and sex. We always talked about Clare though. 24/7. Clare was as sexy as a bikine model. And I bet Clare would have fallen for any of the guys who paid for her body.

As I got back to what was happening I heard Helen's voice rise from the phone. Oh crap! She was talking to Gary, and all Gary talked about was Clare.

" Hello?"

" Hi is Clare there?"

" No but may I ask who's calling."

" Oh well just tell Randel I still want her body and that it's Gary. Goodbye"

" WHAT THE HELL!" Helen screamed.

" Uh, who just called?"

" Your selling our daughter's body, to rapist?"

" No, no. I don't know what your talking about..."

" Randal how could you?"

" How could I not? Clare is beautiful in everyway possible. I just wanted to share the experiense with others."

" I can'y believe you!" Helen screamed exiting my house.

That hour I didn't care what happened, but the following morning I found out Clare was dead.


	10. Helen's sadness

Helen's POV after Clare's death.

My angel had died. My Clare Diane Edwards had died. She was a quarter of my reason to live. And now she's just gone with the wind. I ask the lord everyday now to take care of my Clare. To watch over her for me. To treat her like gold. But who knows after all if there is a God? What if, when we die were just in a never ending dream? What if all we see is blackness? What if we feel the ground every time the earth shakes? What if it's just nothing? What if we feel nothing? What if we don't see anything? Is it even fair that someone so young die so early?

" Mrs. Edward, I'm so sorry about your lost. The lord shall watch over her," my preacher said as everyine else exited the church.

" Thank-you Father Thomas. I hope she is alright where ever she is now."

" Her soul will carry her where ever she pleases."

" Well I must get going. My other daughter Darcy is coming up today."

" Good-bye Mrs. Edwards. See you next Sunday."

I got up and exited the church with tears rolling down my face. Today the whole church had sent their prays to Clare. Even her ex-boyfriend Eli I think, came to respect her. Today was going to be second to worst day of my life. I had to tell Darcy about Clare's passing. I wondered how Darcy was going to react to this tragedy. Darcy and Clare were never really close but still cared.

I began to drive to the airport to pick up Darcy. My mind couldn't stay off Clare very long. I was always afraid that when I died Clare would never be the same. Well I guess I was far off. I will never be the same. I always thought that parents would die before their children. But in our condition it was my own angel who died before me. I felt as if I were carrying the wieght of her on my shoulders now.

When I got to the airport I saw Darcy waiting outside with her bags. I pulled up and let her throw her bags in the back. Once all her bags were all in she hoped in the front of the car. Should I tell her now? Later? When would be the right time?

" Hey mom. How are you?"

" I'm good sweetie, how have you been?"

" I'm good. So where's Clare?"

" Um, well sweetie. Clare passed away."

" What?"

" Clare's dead."

" No stop! She's not dead!"

" I'm sorry sweetie. I wish it wasn't true, but it is."

" No no this can't be happening!"


End file.
